IN THE PINK

I haven't been here for awhille - MY HOW TIME FLYS WHEN U AREN'T HAVING ANY FUN!
So much to say - so little time!

Tried to have what I thought was a heart attack back in early October - actually it's been about 5 weeks now- NOT AN ATTACK - Thank God. I have atrial fibulation or heart flutters, palpatations- whatever. This thing has truly changed my life and my way of viewing life.
Not only that, but after over 30 years - I have quit Smoking!!! Yeah, yeah, thanks a lot!
Everyone keeps congratulating me on this serious accomplishment - WHY DON'T I FEEL SO FREAKIN' HAPPY ABOUT IT??

I went online yesterday and looked up SMOKIN CESSATION - to my surprise, there I was in print - Detailed List of Some Common Withdrawal Symptoms:
Anger & Mood Swings Boredom Constipation & Gas Feeling Closed In Cough, Dry Throat, Nasal Drip Cravings For Cigarettes Depression Dizziness and Invertigo Feeling tired all the time Frustration
Headaches Increase in Appetite InsomniaIrritability, Grouchiness Lack Of Concentration Loneliness Night Time Awakenings Restlessness Tightness In The Chest Weight gain

OMG - ALL OF THE ABOVE IS ME (ACCEPT MAYBE FOR CONSTIPATION) HAHAHAHAHA

I have never been so frickin' listless in my life. Over this past weekend when everyone in the world was happy and excited about post Thanksgiving food and fun, I spent most of the weekend in tears thinking I was going absolutely nuts! I talked with my sister in Chicago and told her how horrible I was feeling - not sleeping well, hearing little voices in my head like my mind just won't turn off- crying at the drop of a hat - OMG I HATE THIS!!!! She said I wasn't crazy just withdrawing from a relationship that has lasted well over 30 years- in all honesty - I JUST DIVORCED MY FRIEND, LOVER, CONFIDANTE, GOOD TIMER-BAD TIMER AND MAN, AM I GRIEVING!

I don't really seem to have the symptoms they talk about like wanting a cigarette so badly that I need gum or something like that- noooooooo, mine is more depressionary symptoms like grieving and depression and just plain IN A FUNK!! I HATE THIS SOOOOO BADLY.

However, having said all of this, I guess I'm glad that I can at least put a name to what this is I AM FEELING and that I'm not just totally going nutz!!!! I was really worried there for a minute. I seem to be having HOLIDAY BLUES AS WELL-

Jesus is the real reason for this season and I'm just a little to done with all the expense that is a part of this time of year - I swear I can't afford the luxury of Christmas anymore - not with gas at $3 + dollars a gallon. Well, maybe I can do a litlle better than in past years on what I save on cigs alone - maybe I can book myself a cruise the hell up outta here - I NEED TO RUN AWAY FROM MY OWN SELF!!!!!!

Gotta run and cry now or something emotional and girlie like that! Will be back later with the continuing saga of NON SMOKER'S LAMENT - :(